A Halloween Uniform
by QuickSilver Knight
Summary: A Fic where Xander dressed up as a Soldier... oh wait, he did that didn't he?


It seems that every Buffy writer has to write at least one Halloween Fic… 

Here's QSK's that he wrote a while back and I'm posting for him. -- Pol

Feedback would be nice. 

*______________*_______________*

Xander rooted thru yet another pile of costumes in search of one that would: 

a; Be a soldier's uniform to go with his old toy rifle,  b; Fit his budget, and   c; Fit him.

*Sheesh… good luck* He sighed as he set the pile back on the shelf *I'm going to need it.*

Listlessly he headed back around to the other side of the store but stopped to watch as Buffy held up a long 'Lady's' type gown in front of her while facing a mirror. *Oh. Just peachy… she wants to be Drusilla* Sigh. *Damn*

"Is there something I could help you with young man?" came the question from right behind him that almost made him jump.

He eyed the shopkeeper a bit nervously. Something about the man mad his teeth itch. 

"Well?"

"Oh! Uhmm, yea. I'm looking for a military type uniform, you know a set of Soldier's Fatigues?"

The Shopkeeper's face fell for a moment in obvious distaste before he plastered a fake smile back on. "Very well, I may have something over here." Taking Xander by the arm he steered him over to the far corner and pulled out a box from near the top of a rack. "I purchased this some years back from a boot sale near London."

"I don't need boots, I've already got some. Just need the uniform."

"Boots? Oh, I get it… How droll. No, a 'boot sale' means a roadside sale out of the 'boot' of an auto… You would say a Trunk, I believe."

"Oh, it must be a British thing." Xander replied. Then muttering he added: "Sounds like something Giles would say."

Unfortunately, Xander didn't see the evil smile that crossed Ethan's face at the mention of the name 'Giles'. Turning to face Xander he opened the box lid to show the 60's era uniform of a U.S. Paratrooper.

Frowning a little bit, Xander lifted the jacket out of the box and held it up, checking the size. It looked like it would fit pretty well. The U.S Army tag was present as well as a set of Paratrooper wings and PFC Rank on the collars. The nametape was missing, but it was no big deal. "Cool… How much?"

"For you… I think we can work a deal my young friend."

*____________*_______________*

"What in the Hell?!" The soldier spun around in a tight circle, the rifle held tightly in his hands. "What kind of funky shit is this?" He wondered out loud. He took a moment to examine the weapon in his hands. "Damn… this must be that new XM-16. How the hell did I get one of these? And where the hell am I?"

"Xander! Damnit… Xander!!"

Turning from the scene in front of him he spun to his left in order to look at the girl who seemed to be yelling at him. "My name ain't Xander girl…" His voice trailed off as he looked her up and down. *Damn!* he thought to himself. It had to be fairly obvious just what he was thinking as she immediately started blushing at his frank appraisal of her appearance.

"Xander!"

"Look girl, my name ain't Xander, its James."

"Listen to me… your name is Xander and you dressed up as a Soldier for Halloween and now you are that Soldier. And we gotta find Buffy cause like she's a lady now and can't fight and she's running around and someone's going to make her dead and…"

He cut off her babble with a shout "Alright already girl! I'll help you find your friend Betty already." He'd decided to just go along with the flow. This obviously had to be a bad trip that he was flashing on.

"It's Buffy, not Betty."

"Whatever girl…" He gestured with the rifle in an obvious 'lead-on' motion. "So's just what can I shoot? Are all these monsters in costume too?"

"No, not all of them… I'll tell you which ones you can shoot, okay?"

"Whatever Baby, lead on."

She'd taken about 20 steps towards where she thought Buffy had gone and then suddenly looked over her shoulder. "Are you staring at my butt?"

"Sure am Baby." He replied with a grin.

*SIGH* "Get up her with me already." She said angrily.

"Sheesh Baby… Chill…"

"Quite calling me Baby."

"Whatever Baby."

"ARRGGG!"

*____________*_______________*

"Damn…" He stopped in the middle of the roadway and slowly walked towards the window of the store. "Would you look at that Axe!"

Lady Elizabeth walked up beside him and peered through the glass. "It doesn't appear to be an Axe, it looks something alike a mandolin."

He just looked at her out of the corner of his eye for a moment and then went back to looking into the window. "Whatever your Ladyness." Just then he caught the reflection of his face in the window and he felt his knees go weak. Almost falling down he staggered backwards and actually looked at his hands for a moment. "Holy Shit! Now I know I gotta be trippin. I gotta be."

He looked up at the chick in the old style dress and shuddered. *That Willow Baby best be right about all of this.*

"Well, well, well. Looky what we have here."  Spike was grinning from ear to ear. Dru had been worried over nothing it seems. Here he had the Slayer dead to rights and her little Slayerette as well. "All dressed up and ready to die."

*Damn, another one… is this one a costume or real?* He wasn't sure which one the new guy was and without Willow there he wasn't sure if he should unload on him or not. Her Ladyness wasn't much help as she shrieked and was trying to hide behind him futilely.

Luckily for him just then Willow came running up to them. "Xander! Uhmm James, whatever. That's the one I told you about. That's Spike."

"Oh really Baby?" He grinned a particularly vicious grin for a moment and then leveled the rifle at the blonde Vampire.

"You silly git! Bullets aint worth a damn against Vampires" Spike grinned an evil smile himself as he spread his arms, inviting the shot.

The sound of the XM-16 on full auto was deafening for a moment and the smell of cordite hung in the air as the entire clip was emptied.

"See…" Was all that Spike managed to get out of his mouth before he looked down at his smoking chest in bewilderment and then back up to Xander's eyes.

"Every 5th round was a tracer. Asshole"

"But…" Any further words from him were lost as Spike suddenly combusted and fell to the ground in a pile of ash.

At just about that moment across town, Giles broke the Statue of Janus and things in Sunnydale returned to normalcy. 

Well, more or less.

*______________*_____________*

"Now why again did you want me to come down here to this infernal club yet again?" Giles was a bit put off as Willow and Buffy dragged him in through the doors of the Bronze.

"Look Giles, Xander has been acting kind of weird ever since Halloween and now he has a job."

"My Lord! Xander with a job?" Giles asked sarcastically "Surely that is an impending sign of an apocalypse."

*SIGH* "Giles! I've known Xander all his life and I can tell you he never had any rhythm.  You've seen him dance Buffy, Xander equals rythmlessness, right?"

Buffy nodded her head in agreement and then pointed towards the stage where Xander stood with a local band called Dingo's Ate My Baby.

As the opening cords started Giles felt his mouth drop in surprise.

"Willow, what did you say the name of the Soldier was again? The one Xander was dressed as?"

 "He said his name was James, Why Giles? What's wrong"

"Wrong?" Giles spotted a chair and sat down in it, lost in rapt attention as he watched Rhythm-less Xander  play a right-handed Fender Stratocaster upside-down and left-handed.

He finally managed to drag his eyes away from the stage long enough to look at the concerned girls.

"Oh do sit down and just listen. It's not every day that you get to listen to Jimi Hendrix play."

QSK


End file.
